Wow, what a year it has been. This year hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be to be honest. I’ve had good times and bad times but if I’m being honest, the bad outweighed the good by far.
The first half of the year was an absolute whirlwind. I moved out of my family home and into my own place with my cousin. It happened so fast and we were so excited but unfortunately things didn’t work out. We had a good 6 months in our flat and I will treasure those memories forever. I was still getting on with work and juggling all the challenges that came with being on a 0 hour contract. Unfortunately those hours started drying up and I really struggled financially which then started to have an impact on my mental health! A lot of this year was overshadowed by my financial situation and me struggling but finally, fingers crossed, things seem to be looking up.
The middle portion of the year was mostly good things. I had a massive blip with my mental health and I was signed off work for a little while because of it. I also moved out of the flat because my family felt it wasn’t safe for me to be living there, especially as both my cousin and I did shift work so we barely saw each other. I applied for a new job and I was accepted. It’s been a long 6 months waiting to start but I finally have and I’m so excited. I went to two festivals; Community and the Isle of Wight. The Isle of Wight was my first ever festival and it was a tricky one because I was completely sober throughout all of it due to a change over period in medication. It rained a hell of a lot and we were cold and miserable. In the end, we chickened out and got a hotel which made things a lot easier. The acts were incredible and I fell in love with so many new artists. Community was a day festival and 2 of my bestest friends came with me and it was just a nice chill day listening to new acts and drinking to our hearts content. I felt so happy that day and it’s a memory I will treasure forever. I also saw Anne-Marie in concert which was incredible! I love her energy and everything about her, she’s the epitome of girl power and I just love her and everything she represents. I saw her twice which was amazing and I 100% want to see her again. I also took my dad to see Madness play at Newmarket Nights. Madness is one of my dads favourite bands and I grew up listening to all of their songs. It was a really special moment to be able to take my dad to see one of his favourite bands play. I finally saw Ed Sheeran as well! I saw him play at Ipswich after years of wanting to see him live. His concert was everything and more and it’s made me so much more determined to go and see my favourite artists on tour and definitely see him again. Ed Sheeran is just amazing and I love everything about him.
My summer was mostly spent going to different concerts/festivals and trying to live my best life. It is a summer that I will never forget. My mental health did take a hit but once that was sorted, things just kept getting brighter.
The latter portion of this year has been a struggle and I mean a real struggle! I started my training for my new job which was hard, it was a very stressful and full on environment. My relationships with people suffered because all of my focus was on my job. I was away from home for 8 weeks which was tough but it’s also made me realise who’s by my side and will always support me and my achievements. I finished this training in time for Christmas so come the New Year I will be operational and I’m so excited for it. Due to me being away and not in a great place mentally, my relationship broke down and broke down fast. I still don’t really know what happened, there was a huge argument and then suddenly I was left. It’s hard because I always fought, fought to make things right/better and towards the end I didn’t get that back. This is no way shape or form, bashing him at all because he’s entitled to his own opinion/decision but it doesn’t stop the hurt. I really felt abandoned when I needed him the most and I felt like I had no one to turn to, I felt very lonely for the first time in a while. Thank god, I had work to distract me or I think I would have been 100x worse.
It’s hard because I’ve heard a lot of things since this, about my friends slating me and not supporting me etc and I’m truly stuck what to do. I don’t want to go into 2020 with people around me that don’t support me but I’m so scared of losing people and being alone again. I thought by this sort of age, all of these sort of issues stop and people talk to each other but I guess not..
If I’m being honest, I am so looking forward to the New Year. I’m going into 2020 with a new career and something I will throw my everything into, I’m trying to adopt a new mindset of that I am good enough no matter what anyone says and I just want to do me and be happy. I want to be selfish and put myself first without caring (as much) about what people think. Everyone has an opinion and I’m fed up of hearing them, all I care about is my close friends and family and I know they will support me! So here’s to doing what makes you happy and not giving a fuck about anyone else, here’s to making yourself happy before anyone else. Thank you to all of you for sticking around during this tough year, here’s to hoping 2020 will be better.
See you on the flip side,
Love Els xxxxx