Man, life has been a rollercoaster recently. It has hit me full force in the face and I am still reeling from the aftermath.
The latter portion of this year hasn’t been great to be honest. I feel like a big fat failure and like I’m just not good enough. I feel like this in all aspects of my life but especially within my friendships and personal relationships. I just seem to fuck up a hell of a lot at the minute and I’m barely holding on to be honest. I feel like I’m downing and no one is around to help. I definitely feel like everyone is happier when I’m not around because I’m difficult to be around and I’ve been told I can’t take a joke etc. I am feeling so fragile and things that normally wouldn’t upset me, have upset me and I think the closest people around me are really starting to see that. Arguments are happening everyday and they’re usually my fault or it’s because I’ve taken something the wrong way. It is hard and I am struggling big time.
I started a new job six weeks ago, which I’m super proud of myself about, and we’re still training at the minute. I am finding that tough too. Being away from home and everyone is/has taken it’s toll on me which is why some of my relationships have been suffering and I’ve been arguing with people. Training is a really stressful environment and I’m taking things out on people back home. I’m tired and don’t feel good enough within my work. I mean, right now I’m meant to be doing portfolio work but I’m writing this post out instead. It helps I guess. I just want to get on the road and hopefully I’ll feel a bit better and like me.
It’s so nice to hear the people around you say that they’re proud of you too.
I’m not going to lie, my mental health isn’t great right now and I feel super fragile but I will get there. I have been through these storms before and come out on top, I will do it again. It may take time but I will be alright.
I’m sorry that none of this makes much sense but it’s just helpful for me to write things down I guess. I’m sorry that I have been all over the place but I will be back in the New Year and I will be better then ever, until then just hang on! I should probably be doing this portfolio work so I’ll sign off here and see you guys in a bit.