I’m not going to lie, this week has been majorly tough. My mental health has hit an all time low and I’ve spent majority of the week working long shifts to occupy myself. Unfortunately, you sometimes need a day off and that’s when I knew I was in a bad place.
I woke up to take my brother to work and as soon as I got back I jumped into bed and fell asleep. I slept all day just to avoid the sinking feeling of dread and despair. I woke up for about an hour and just cried my eyes out. One victory is that I made myself some dinner which normally doesn’t happen when I’m like this. I have no idea what’s set my mental health off this week but it’s definitely been hit hard.
I can definitely see myself becoming neglectful to myself, it’s a real chore to get myself into the shower or bath and then when I’m there I never want to leave as it’s like a sanctuary. I’m now putting alarms on to remind me to take my pills otherwise my mental health will definitely get worse. It’s just been a bit of a shit show to be honest with you all and it sucks.
One thing that definitely hasn’t helped is that we had to say goodbye to my dog this week. Angel was a breeding dog for a number of years before we rescued her and due to living in kennels she was very poorly. Labrador’s are notoriously known for being one of the sickest breeds of dogs but also one of the loveliest. We originally took Angel to the vets to check her ears out as they were very sore and check out a lump she had. Angel had a lump before that the vets removed but luckily it was just a cyst. However, this one was massive and on the back of her leg. It looked like a mans testicle that was enlarged, it looked very sore and painful. Angel has always had some lumps and bumps over her body ever since we brought her home and they were fine. The vets and us were concerned about this lump on her leg and they took fluid out of it to see it away for analysis. The results come back as it was a cancerous tumour and very far along. They wouldn’t do an operation because of her age and they weren’t sure she would make it. My mum and dad made the decision for her to be put down and be relieved of her pain as in her final days she was limping and crying with pain.
We said our goodbyes to Angel on Thursday and we waited until I was back from work to bury her. Angel was a beautiful but a nightmare dog. From the moment we had her we knew she would be a handful, waking the whole house up barking because she was hungry, nicking the food bowls (even if Buzz hadn’t finished) and somehow managing to eat all our cooker knobs. She was a constant companion, wouldn’t go to sleep unless she was in your room and laying down the side of your bed. The amount of mornings I’d wake up and she’d jumped on my bed and made herself comfy. Taking her for the longest walks with Buzz because they loved being outside and running around together. Yes, Angel was old but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I love you Angel and I hope Woody is up there looking after you and vice versa. You’re not in pain anymore and I’ll see you one day❤️
Sorry it’s a sad one this week and you’ve been bombarded with images of Angel but it’s something to remember her by.