I don’t know about you, but sleeping tablets have been my saving grace over the past couple of years. I have been on sleeping tablets since I was about 13 and before that I used to use over the counter sleeping medicine. I never really noticed that my sleeping was that bad until I hadn’t had a proper night sleep in weeks and my psychiatrist recommend that I try them for a couple of weeks. The first night I tried them, I woke up crying because I slept. I actually slept a whole night and had a good nights sleep. It felt like a miracle.
I was put on these sleeping tablets because insomnia comes hand in hand with depression and anxiety. Insomnia keeps you up all night, staring at the ceiling whilst everyone else around you sleeps. I have been diagnosed with insomnia and it hasn’t got any easier over these four or five years. I still have sleepless nights/weeks and I find myself sleeping whenever I can or feel like. I don’t have a healthy sleeping pattern and I’m struggling to adopt one too.
I find that I either sleep all the time or not at all. I feel things way to deeply or I am numb to the world. I am a walking contradiction. I can go months without taking my sleeping tablets and feel like I’ve turned over a new leaf. (This usually happens once I’ve worked myself into the ground.) Other times I am taking 2 – 3 sleeping tablets a night just to get some release. It’s a constant battle in my brain and me making the decision of ‘do I not take the tablets and maybe sleep or not sleep or take them and be guaranteed sleep’?
I feel so dependant on these little things that increase the amount of melatonin in my body and it drives me crazy. Why should I be reliant on something like that? Why is my body failing at a simple human function like falling asleep? When I first got put onto sleeping tablets I got told they could be addictive. That scared the absolute hell out of me, I didn’t want to become one of these people addicted to tablets. I was always headstrong and independent, being on these tablets and relying on them felt like all of that was being stripped away.
Over the past few years, I have learnt that it’s all right that I need a bit of help falling asleep. I always have, or at least that’s what my parents told me. I was that child that had to listen to music to fall asleep or that child that never slept a lot. My mum reckons I follow in her footsteps as she has insomnia. I have learnt that if I want to take a nap, it’s ok for me to take that nap. My health (including my sleep) is so important and I shouldn’t be scared of admitting I need help to fall asleep. It’s a common problem that hundreds of people suffer from. I shouldn’t be scared to feel like I am relying on these tablets but at the same time, I know if I cannot be without them then there may be a problem there. Its time to go to my doctors again and find out if they can help.
Please, please, please don’t be scared of getting the help you deserve because the fear paralysed me for ages and in actual fact it has really helped me. If you have any concerns or worries, I am only a quick message away. Please get the help you need and deserve!
Have any of you guys ever been on any type of medication for sleep and if so how did you find it?